Lemonade and Vodka


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“ I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. ”

Quote author: Ron White

Lemonade and Vodka
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Top 9 Funny Christmas Quotes By Famous Comedians


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"Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do." - Jon Stewart

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin." - Jay Leno

"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmas time. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them." - P.J. O'Rourke

"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." - Joan Rivers

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live." - Dennis Miller

"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me." - Jerry Seinfeld

"Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It's like, "Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?" - Jim Gaffigan

"One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December." - Louis C.K.

"Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer, and you don't care, do you? Every year, you just take more of the calendar for yourself. How long does it take you people to shop? It's beyond belief! It's insane! When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it!" - Lewis Black

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An Idea


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“ An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. ”

Quote author: Don Marquis

An Idea
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woman's mind


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“ A WOMAN'S MIND IS CLEANER THAN A MAN'S: SHE CHANGES IT MORE OFTEN. ”

Quote author: Oliver Herford

woman's mind
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Plan Z


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“ Don't worry if plan A fails, There are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Stay calm ”

Plan Z
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Dog Facts


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“ Trust your dog to guard your house, But never trust your dog to guard your sandwich ”

Dog Facts
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